The quality of communication, satisfaction with relationships largely depends on the level of development of emotional intelligence. The less we own our emotions, the less we understand ourselves, our behavior and motivation, the more often we come to conflicts and frustration. How to assess how well-developed your emotional intelligence? Check yourself on the following points.
The Habit of Measuring Everyone by Yourself
“I know better than you what you need.” “Don’t argue with me, I know better.” “Since I want it, you want it too.” Such people don’t hear feedback, ignore the desires of those around them, and fit everyone to their own projections and picture of the world. For example, if such people enjoy online gambling in Canada, they believe everyone will also love this. The result is predictable: other people’s needs go unmet, which generates conflict. But the hero himself believes sacredly that he is surrounded by ungrateful hysterical people who do not appreciate his efforts.
How to fix this? Learn to listen to others, to do what you are asked, even if it contradicts your idea of “good”. Other people are different from you, they have different values, habits, desires, and this is normal.
Belief in Your Infallibility, Double Morality
“I am good, everyone around me is bad.” “I am wrong not of my own free will (fate, set up), others themselves are to blame for everything.” In this case, weak emotional intelligence manifests itself in an unwillingness to realize the true motives of one’s thoughts and actions. A person draws a halo over his head, but does not forgive others any weaknesses and transgressions. Such people see a speck in the eyes of colleagues, but not the beam in his eye. They actively criticize everyone, accuse them of venality, and attribute their own destructive thoughts to others.
To solve this problem, we need to learn to be honest with ourselves, stop looking for excuses for ourselves. The boss isn’t a creature, you just wanted to take his place. The woman is not mercenary, but you wanted to both eat fish and keep your money.
Repetitive Life Scenario
Such people are often deceived, betrayed, dragged into destructive relationships, and hurt. They don’t cut the situation off themselves, blame it on bad luck, spoiled generation, bad luck, dancing on the same rake: they fall in love with alcoholics for the fifth time, they drop their studies for the fourth time. At the end, they do the same thing, hoping to get a different result, but it doesn’t happen.
You need to change your behavior, your way of thinking, and analyze the problem. What are you doing wrong, why is the scenario repeating over and over again.
People with a pumped up emotional intelligence know how to control their feelings, so they don’t go with the momentary emotions. If you find it hard to control yourself, you used to give in to impulses, follow your body impulses, and unwind your inner feelings to the maximum – work on yourself.
No one is saying to suppress emotions, deny them or ignore them. On the contrary, turn on awareness, look for the causes of fear, anger, anxiety. Look at the root, so that you won’t do something stupid that you will regret later.
Tactlessness in Communication
Rude humor, the habit of cutting the truth that no one asked for – another marker in favor of weak emotional intelligence. Insensitive people like to cover their rudeness with the phrase, “I prefer to be honest about what I think.” “If you don’t like it – don’t communicate with me, I’m not going to adjust to anyone.”
They think they have the right to be rude, to make fun of other people’s weaknesses, because they speak sincerely. And then wonder why no one perceives their delicate mental organization. The truth is that even bad things can be said tactfully, without hurting the feelings of others. To do this, put yourself in the other person’s shoes, develop empathy, and keep track of selfish motives.
Dependent, Painful Relationships
Strong emotional intelligence is the key to a healthy relationship. If you are constantly falling into dependence on other people, chronically bemoaning a failed love – it’s a reason to work on yourself. Relationships may or may not add up, but they should not cause unbearable pain, lead to a loss of self and the meaning of life.
Look at the real person, stop idealizing your partner, hang some labels, projections of the past. Neither your spouse, nor your children should be the meaning of your life, or everything will fall apart with their departure. Look for support in yourself, keep your boundaries.
The Rejection of Criticism
On the one hand it’s stupid to respond to aggression, devaluing comments, and insults from inconsiderate people. You don’t have to fit in and be comfortable so you don’t lose your individuality. On the other hand, criticism can be healthy and objective, revealing some important tools that will make you better, make it easier to move toward your goal, and attract a larger audience to you.
Don’t cut off all criticism with “I’m jealous,” “I know better,” or “everyone else is stupid.” If a detail is said more than once and by different people – listen, maybe there’s something you don’t notice that can only benefit you?
Categorical, Lack of Flexibility
There is no perfect people, everyone has positive and negative qualities of character, may be wrong, may do stupid things. If a loved one has stumbled, offended you – that’s no reason to tear up the relationship and run off into the sunset.
Learn to be flexible, talk about your desires out loud, try to understand the position and motives of your opponent. Still have time to walk away, start by finding compromises. Don’t be categorical, do not cut corners, do not be intolerant of another’s world view and other values. Any relationship needs work, time, and mutual concessions. Like a jewel that needs to be cut.